Are you SERIOUS?!

So, we (we meaning me and my first two cats) have finally adjusted to the latest addition, "Gnat" (not his real name). I've adapted to being shrieked/squeaked at whenever he sees me; I'm getting used to his need to chase invisible insects all over the apartment, knocking various items and small appliances around at random. I'm even coming to terms with his latest habit of hurling things at me from my dresser at 6:00 AM, when he thinks I should be getting up to feed him (and, to be fair, his two other furry housemates). I am NOT overjoyed about the fact that he likes to hang out on top of my fridge, however, and I'll tell you exactly why:

1 - There's cat hair on the stove.
2 - There's cat hair on the sink.
3 - There's cat hair on the dish rack.
4 - There's cat hair on top of the fridge.
5 - There's cat hair in my freezer.

Yes, the other day I discovered cat hair IN MY FREAKIN' FREEZER. I haven't figured out yet if it's somehow managing to leech its way in through the freezer door because he loves to sleep up there, or if this cat has now figured out how to open the freezer door and has been hanging around in there to cool off. I wouldn't be surprised if he was holding martini parties while I'm out. It might even explain why "Miss Cranky" (also not her real name), my elderly tabby, seems to be getting along better with "Gnat." She kind of seems like the type who'd smoke cigars and slop martinis in her old age.

So when I do my cleaning, I now have to remember to scrub out the one place I thought was safe from all things "cat." I don't know why I'm surprised about this. My family always ends up with the weird animals (psychotic hamster, exercise-fiend guinea pig, junk food addict guinea pig, female Pekinese dog obsessed with men and human food...).

I should have gotten a fish.