Are you SERIOUS?!

So, we (we meaning me and my first two cats) have finally adjusted to the latest addition, "Gnat" (not his real name). I've adapted to being shrieked/squeaked at whenever he sees me; I'm getting used to his need to chase invisible insects all over the apartment, knocking various items and small appliances around at random. I'm even coming to terms with his latest habit of hurling things at me from my dresser at 6:00 AM, when he thinks I should be getting up to feed him (and, to be fair, his two other furry housemates). I am NOT overjoyed about the fact that he likes to hang out on top of my fridge, however, and I'll tell you exactly why:

1 - There's cat hair on the stove.
2 - There's cat hair on the sink.
3 - There's cat hair on the dish rack.
4 - There's cat hair on top of the fridge.
5 - There's cat hair in my freezer.

Yes, the other day I discovered cat hair IN MY FREAKIN' FREEZER. I haven't figured out yet if it's somehow managing to leech its way in through the freezer door because he loves to sleep up there, or if this cat has now figured out how to open the freezer door and has been hanging around in there to cool off. I wouldn't be surprised if he was holding martini parties while I'm out. It might even explain why "Miss Cranky" (also not her real name), my elderly tabby, seems to be getting along better with "Gnat." She kind of seems like the type who'd smoke cigars and slop martinis in her old age.

So when I do my cleaning, I now have to remember to scrub out the one place I thought was safe from all things "cat." I don't know why I'm surprised about this. My family always ends up with the weird animals (psychotic hamster, exercise-fiend guinea pig, junk food addict guinea pig, female Pekinese dog obsessed with men and human food...).

I should have gotten a fish.

Where to begin?

First, Weight Watchers. I went to my meeting (Saturday AM) but didn't weigh in and didn't track until Monday (I figured the first day of the month was a good day to get started again). My WW leader, Ricardo, who has been my leader since I started my "off-again, on-again" WW pattern, just left (he was at WW for 6 years and he's SO NOT REPLACEABLE).

Second, there's The Cat.

I have two cats. I don't know why I thought getting a third one would be a good idea. Maybe I really am a crazy cat lady already and just don't know it yet. But as a result of too much time spent on Craigslist, and the fact that I am a Royal Sucker, I now have a third cat.

He's huge. He's hairy. He's all black with big gold eyes. He hates my other two cats and has staked out the top of my kitchen cabinets as his current living space. I'm not completely sure this thing is even a real cat. He makes one of the highest-pitched sounds I've ever heard in my life. It's not a meow or even a mew - it sounds like a gnat with an amplifier, shrieking for help.

On the plus side, he's reasonably affectionate (when he's not snarling at my other cats). I'm hopeful that eventually he'll reach a point where he and my other two cats will be able to be in the same room without an "I can hiss louder than you can" match taking place. But in the meantime, I've got a very confused blind Snowshoe cat wondering where all the noise is coming from, an elderly, angry tabby refusing to cede any turf, and a gigantic, furry black blob living in my kitchen.

I'm staying the hell off Craigslist.